I am proud to say I accomplished two of my resolution. The important one being writing my book. I finally allowed myself after all these years to write. And write badly. For years I was stressed about writing the prefect story. Every time I sat down to write, I would cry and hang my head in defeat as the words appearing on the screen were not even close to being good. I would read and think, why is it that my words don't come out like these words in these pages. What was I doing wrong?
The thing is I'm not the best writer and I can freely admit that. But I love words and I love putting them together in a magical way that they bring a scene in my head to life. I've been putting words together every since I was a child. I never wrote stories, back then I wanted to be a doctor. But whenever I was feeling low, I sat down, took a pencil and a piece of paper from my notebooks and I would write songs and poems.
never stories. Those I kept locked up in my head. Those stories were for me and me alone.
Until the ninth, for an English assignment we had to write a story. I wrote about girl getting lost in the pages of a book. The first story I ever wrote. And the note that my teacher made stayed with me forever. She wrote (this story has a lot if promise. Good work). And still, being a writer was never in the plans. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to help people. That was my dream. But sometimes the things we work hard for doesn't always turn out to be right for us. As hard as I tried and as much as I studied, Chemistry made me want to yank my hair out and Physics scrambled my brain with way to many equations. And through the stress of it all, writing was my release. It was how I centered myself, expressed myself. It was how I found my voice.
Through writing I feel more myself. I feel stronger. I am not afraid to write what I feel. Whenever I can' t get the words out through my mouth. They always come
together when I write. And once I realized this, becoming a writer was my new dream. And I have spent four years and six stories trying to make that dream come true. But no one told me, how hard it would be. I wasn't prepared. So many notebooks, pens, wasted ink. So many days staring at blank screen, having an idea but waiting for the story. So many days telling myself, I'm not good enough. I felt yet another dream slipping through my fingers. So I stopped writing. I gave myself a few months to just breathe.
Close to the end of the year in October, praying, talking to God and my mom. I found my passion to write again. I love the feeling I get when I see my words on the screen or in a notebook. I feel strong. I feel brave. I feel like I finally found myself.
One day I hope to be a published author. But first, I need to finish the stories.
I am currently working on two books. A paranormal story, the other I like to call urban paranormal fantasy. I love both of my stories. But another thing no one told me was how hard it is to finish. So I better get back to them.
So thank you 2012, and 2013 you have a lot of promise.
Chase after your dreams and let nothing hold you back. Allow yourself to fail, because through failure you will find your true path to success.
God bless you. HAPPY NEW YEAR
2013.
